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I cringe as I remember her .onyinye the talk fair skinned girl with growing hips who lived next door.she had the eyes of an angel . she stuttered when she talked and would burst into tears at the slightest upset.she was 14 young,clumsy, insecure and scarred.scarred from skin to heart,surface to depth. Her mother was fat,so fat she couldn't work properly.she worked late nights wearing skimpy gowns and high heels revealing thick vericos veins that ran down her legs. She had told my mum she was a nurse but the day I saw her sweating over dressing a wound on her left knee, I believed the rumours. She only nursed men...sexually. she was trying to dress her own wound but didn't have a problem undressing the wounds of her daughter.

The two things I knew about pomo (the nickname my mum gave her) was that she was a good mutilater and a good cook.when her daughter broke something accidentally she would Suprising ly  lift her heavy body,run to the room with anger and over excitement  .A minute later she would return with a new razor blade which she would use to make cuts through the young girls body and then add pepper.that was why I figured she must love cooking. When she was done "punishing "she would strip the girl of her clothes and send her downstairs. I was 16,young, naive but I knew better.someone needed to call child protection services.

It was a thug of War, the learning tools were scattered on the marble floor. The little boy was screaming at the top of his lungs,his mother had been beating him,raining curses on him like an ifa priestess. mucous flowed down his nose,struggling up at the command of his mother he picked up the pencil and started afresh but confused he miscounted again,greeted with another thundering slap from his mother who kept calling the five year old  a no good dullard. she picked up her cane and continued "tutoring " him. I picked up my phone horrified by the scene. I would have called child's protection services  but it doesn't exist or perhaps I just don't know.

 I know. I can already feel the tension building up. my mother would hate this article,our grandparents would begin with tales of how their parents beating shaped them to a better person.our pastors would preach on the "rod of correction ".yes I confess that I believe..I believe in the transforming power of spanking,the redemptive ability of frog jump. The molding elasticity of a disciplined parent. but I  must confess I am disgusted at the extreme,an abusive parent. One with the inability to distinguish the thin line between discipline and abuse. discipline keeps an egg from going bad but abuse breaks the egg. discipline whips in love and motive but abuse whips in anger and frustration.Abuse buys a horse whip and beats a human. Abuse spills blood,make cuts and bruises. It curses and calls a growing child or teenager unedifying names.it shatters self esteem, wounds a soul and crushes the spirit.after the drama the child is confused,hardened and hateful.discipline knows better it knows there are more effectual ways of correcting bad behaviour.it knows there is power in  rewarding good behaviour.like my friend  who took his children out to show them how poverty can ruin the lives of unneducated fellows  just to teach them a lesson.no blood spilled no.no.pepper added.just pure practical got the job done.the kids loved going to school afterwards.

Beat your child if you want but don't spill blood,don't  tell them how their future will be doomed.no hunger punishments. feeding of spoiled food to correct wastage. true parenting is more of communication than whipping.abuse will severe your relationship. Make the child aggressive and rebellious if not violent.abusive parents do not know they are but the evidence will speak...poor parenting is ignorance, good parenting is a choice,.better parenting is acquired by knowledge  I choose to be  better what about you?

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