Desperate spinsters..

I was there, I stood in the midst of many middle aged ladies going to seize our husbands by force. I remember that fateful day. I was weak,thin and farmished from my three days dry fasting and i had resolved not to stay single for more than 22 years of my life since that was the age predicted when i casted lots with my cousins a week before but the problem was that i was only 18. I was in church and i was going to deliver my.way into marriage,that seemed logical at the time. I chose a seat beside a slim woman who i could see was probably a professional in fasting. Her leathery skin revealed she would have past the prime of youth. Like me,she wore no jewellery her earrings holes were naked and through her transparent head scalf i could see that her hair was plaited in a traditional style called "koroba".if it wasnt for her car key and phone  her oversized suit (coat ) made me think she was a beggar.i was glad i had found a vacant seat and was already about to relax my behind when she dragged the seat away from me,i almost fell down on the bare floor.we were in church and this woman looked like she was ready to fight a war.
'That seat is already taken" she said placing a brown leather Bible on it. The stench of her mouth was unbearable so was her character. The usher had asked her if the seat was vacant and she had said yes smiling at the handsome young man who looked too young to be interested in her.yet here she was oppressing me . too weak and cautious for a catfight i ignored her and continued searching for a seat.
What did i want so early in life that made me a church prostitute,jumping from one church to the next.i wasn't looking for a job, a visa lottery,praying to be successful. No!i was praying for only thing about 65% of spinsters remember to ask from God every night, a husband.i was going to get him by force even if i die trying. After all the kingdom of God suffereth violence and the violence taketh by force.
Now after so many years,having experience has my private tutor.it marvels me when i see those who esteem marriage as the ultimate trophy in a life of a woman. dont get me wrong ,no woman should be single for life,getting awarded as a professional maid of honour is no honor.and believe me i am no antagonist of that sacred institution called marriage ,i am actually a believer in it having certain dreams about my husband and children which will be termed weird but when i see the extent so many ladies around me today go to inorder to " secure"a man,it scares me and makes me guard my brothers jealousy.
"You have to shine your eye ,or someone will steal your predestined husband"shade had once advised. At least i was being religious,but she meant more she meant traditionally. She told us of how one baba had helped her prepare a magical concoction which had stuck her husband to her like glue for a reasonable yet huge amount of money which she was required to pay every year for the rest of her life.no wonder the poor rich pilot would sober up every December ,give her the beating of her life and send her packing leaving her desperate to get funds to renew her charm once again.she had mixed it with a local ijebu food she made for her husband when they were just friends
"Ifokore lon fi foko " she had bragged. but i laughed within knowing that death would one day seize her baba,and it did two years later dragging her marriage along .
Maybe shade was a bit extreme, some dont go that far they make it more religious. Going to an alfa or white garment priest for "favour"soap and perfume which would ensnare any desired man even if he was married. And yes. the most universal strategy a.k.a the pregnancy trap.women have specialized in the art of hooking down any suitable man who lands in between their lap and is so unwise to have unprotected sex with them. Although it has a 50-50 success rate yet it can be made more failure proof when they attach themselves closer to his family and when the pregnancy is over three months they announce" femi i am carrying your baby" stressing the "your baby" to drown femi in a pool of guilt if ever he decides to "kill"his child.hence "Nike hooks femi".
A cute student came to my mums office to fill some forms last month when she opened her mouth in an attempt to provide intellectual contributions concerning a topic and as i watched her struggling to fill a form every ounce of admiration i had for her dissolved. A pity,to think that so many girls like her are in our schools.with very little to offer yet they fantasize about meeting a rich,handsome and intelligent young man whom they would  end up disgracing by shouting"all these blood we are sharing ,there is God o".desperately they would offer up their bodies as living sacrifices to any tom,dick and emeka who mentions the word marriage.and they would move in as his permanent bed mate just because he bought a ring.
I am very competitive in nature,so i have heard about myself and i must confess the horrible things i have done in the name of marriage or being the most beautiful. Praying prayers like"i dip my leg into the blood of my husband,oya locate me by fire ijn!".poor guy i hope he never finds out.my gap teeth was actually a closed teeth which i dedicated 48 hours to file it it with a nail file just because Theodora looks good with hers.my glasses? I burnt my iris by starring at the sun too long because kome looked "butty "with her thick glasses. Leaving me with eight years astigmatism and a very geeky look.so yes.i  am competitive but not so competitive as to snatch another ladies boyfriend or worse husband,call a mans name in a coven at night or manipulate my way into the heart of a fine boy. Thats why i dont fancy "fine boys"they come with so much wahala and i dont have the muscle to beat every lady who winks at my boyfriend.
When all is said and done life is more than marriage. It is a part of life but not the entirety. When we finally hook him what will we be able to offer. A lady who spends her single years on self improvement rather than husband hunting will not only be a blessing to her husband but also to her children and those around her .those ones dont Chase love, love chases them cos they are considered assets and not liabilities. Besides its a rule in life.the things we struggle so much to acquire are not always enjoyed. We either scare them away with our desperation or throw them away because of the stress.love is a gift predestined for every soul but our lack of faith (disguised sometimes as aggressive prayers) can delay it.so quit being desperate woman.